Growing Pains

You know that feeling of resistance we naturally get when we are required to step outside our zone of comfort, to push further, strive harder and move past stagnation?

Much like when the momma bird pushes her young to the edge of the nest.  What is that youngling thinking?

“Momma’s off her rocker!”

“She’s trying to kill me!”

“How could she do this to me?”

That little one, paralyzed by fear, becomes frozen as momma gives the final shove.

Down, down it goes until finally it gets this crazy notion to flap its wings… flap, flap, flap…

Flap, flap, flap, flap…

Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap. Whoosh========

And off it goes, lifting in the air, gliding in the sky, finding its full potential.

God wouldn’t do that us, would He?

Abraham was feeling pretty comfy until God asked the unthinkable.

“Take the young boy and offer him as a sacrifice.”

“Um, my boy a sacrifice, Lord?”

“Yep, a sacrifice.”

“Okay, Lord, You must be up to something.”  Now that’s faith!

“Moses, you are going to visit your adoptive grandpa, the Pharaoh of Egypt.”

“The one whose soldier I killed?”

‘Yeah him, and you are going to take My people away from him.  Got it?’

“Bbbbut, Lord, I sttttuttter. What do I say?”

“Leave it to Me, Moses. You do your part.”

David was a young shepherd, minding his business on the pasture. He wrote songs and played his harp those peacefully, starry nights, until…

“David, you will be My chosen king of Israel.”

“Sweet. I’m just a teenager, but I’ll be Israel’s next king! Cool!”

But, God had a fit-for-a-king 13 year crash course in mind for David.

Oh yeah, God would do that, and has. God wants us to grow to our full potential. It’s God’s version of tough love.

Someone once said, “God is more interested in our character than our comfort.”

According to Erwin McManus, “The process of becoming the person God wants us to become usually doesn’t come from success, success, success.

It’s loss, success, failure, success, heartbreak, success, disappointment, success.”

I must be especially hard-headed because in my case, my life equals the last sentence above minus a few successes.

After my nightmarish divorce situation, I scaled my lifestyle down a few notches and began living the American version of Christianity.

Almost anything goes, little commitment to God.

Then I met my second husband. I thought I finally stepped into the sweet zone of life with my attractive, kind, thoughtful, smart, soft-spoken and generous husband.  But instead, I stepped into a high-speed blender.

Something happened the day after our wedding.  His not so kind or thoughtful, angry double took over once his teenage sons decided to work overtime to destroy our marriage so they could keep daddy to themselves.

He couldn’t see what was going on because his daddy-hat was pulled way down over his eyes and ears.   Then my relationship with my kids was on the battle ground as my ex went on a charge of revenge.  See more here.

Such heavy stress brought on an instant chronic back pain that kept me bedbound the whole summer.  My husband’s skepticism over my sudden back pain and his cruel words, sliced through my soul like a sharpened machete.

Fast forward several years of anguish and insanity.

God took everything from me till I had nothing. Nothing that mattered. I barely had myself. My marriage got so bad; I wanted to die. Literally!  Misery would have been kind compared to my existence.  I wondered if God kept me alive and suffering just for kicks.

God was tired of my wishy-washy relationship with Him; and He was tired of the spiritual baby bottle hanging out of my mouth. It was time for some major life-changing growth.  The tough lessons began.

God drew a line on the sand that said.  “Choose you this day whom you will serve.”  Those of you who have been there know exactly what I mean.

I was that bird, with my toes on the edge of the nest. Paralyzed.

It was a long drop down.

“God, You will have to push me out because I am too frozen to do anything on my own.”

The heat was turned up on my rapidly dissolving marriage. WAY UP.  God’s heel was against my back as I looked down from that nest.

For sanity’s sake I desperately wanted out the marriage.  I was willing give up whatever I had left and walk away, that’s how much pain I was in. But I had nowhere to go.

My husband wanted our marriage. He was willing to make things work this time.  He was truly sorry, he was a changed man. Things would be different now, he said.

For me it was Déjà vu. Been there, suffered that! Thank you very much!

But I knew deep inside, if I dared to walk away, I would be plagued with conviction and I might get myself in a much worse scenario.  As messed up as everything was, I felt it inside that leaving would be a big mistake.

There were some things in life I needed a little assistance learning.  A good 2X4 clunk over the head from God finally sank it in.

“If I am not where God wants me to be, I will be so miserable that life will seem impossible.”  That is what I learned.

The day I realized that was the day I jumped out of the nest and surrendered every ounce of my being to God.

I was finally out of the way.

God stepped in.  My husband began a men’s Bible study that made a drastic difference. Long story short, next month, we will be celebrating our nine year anniversary.  Our marriage is great now! Unfortunately, that day is a bittersweet day as the day before our wedding anniversary, will mark the two year anniversary of my son’s fatal accident.

Any growing pains in your horizon?  The more you resist, the harder it gets!  Trust me, I know.

By ~ Elizabeth Yalian 2013 ©http://hiseyeisonthissparrow.com.

9 Comments

Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everythingelse, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Life Lessons, Life with Chronic Pain, Loss of a Child, Single Parent Struggles, Writing and Author Stuff

9 responses to “Growing Pains

  1. Whooee. Some days I think we’re the same person. You were smarter, though. I’m on hubby #4! All in, this time, until death – Lord willing! The “no matter what” part has been a challenge, but then it’s also caused me to mature (something I desperately needed!).

    \o/

    • Unfortunately Tami, you and I were left to learn the hardest way, all the tough lessons we were not taught in out youth.

      • One advantage of recording audio books for the recovery program here is that I have to read – and understand – it in order to put inflections in where they go. As a result, I’m learning some fantastic new things that are already making a difference in my life.

        The book I enjoyed the most is definitely “Boundaries.” The subtitle is “When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life.” Too bad I was too proud to go through a recovery program. I could have learned this stuff decades ago…and given up my victim mentality as well.

        God is gracious, though, and brought the material and I together so I don’t continue on as I have. I’ve asked Him for help in some areas of my life, and this was His response! What a wonderful Father He is!

        \o/

        • His responses are always perfect, his time always precise. He brought you “custom” healing and teaching in the way that would really reach you and sink in! See how He loves you! Indeed, you are His Beloved!
          I wish I would have learned so much when I was younger. My doormat mentality set me up to be abused and victimized. Unwittingly, I was my own enemy.
          One of the reasons for this blog is that I hope anyone reading my major faux pas(s) in life will think twice before jumping in to a marriage or making other life changing decisions, There have been a handful of times in my life I felt utterly hopeless. It wasn’t until I realized I had to make the move, jump out of that nest and fully surrender to God and get involved in Scripture that life truly began to turn around, but not without a few glitches.

  2. It takes a lot of wisdom to see God in our heartaches and failures. I’m so glad your story (this episode of it) has a happy end. Congratulations on 9 years! (And I’m sorry about your son–life is indeed full of bittersweetness).

    • A little wisdom aquiared by lots and lots of hard knocks, Tracy! I never thought we’d see 5, let alone 9 years way back then. God is indeed merciful and gracious with us, isn’t He? I would love to be able to call my son and talk with him right now, but I would never wish him back on earth after sitting at the feet of Jesus, in the presense of the almighty. Thank you so much for your coment! 🙂

  3. Oh my gosh… I got ready to skim this (mind you… I don’t ever click “LIKE” unless I really have read it but I DO skim and just move on… gotta tell the truth here lol…) But as I started out…. OH MY GOSH!!!! I stopped… backed up and read this all the way through and clicked FOLLOW!!! Can’t wait to read more! YOU my dear were God sent! Thank you for reading mine! I will definitely be back to read yours!
    Off to work for now.
    xoxo
    Di

    • I enjoyed visiting your blog.
      I am humbled an honored that this post has so touched you!
      Our Loving and Merciful Lord must have had you in mind when He gave me the idea! Praise God! Have a wonderful day at work and a great weekend!

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