Tag Archives: Heartache

November 5, 2014 · 10:07 pm

The University of Higher Learning

Off and on I have shared with you a few of the hardships I have experienced the last 3 years.

The death of my son. Then immediately after his death I needed more emotional support than ever, but instead was further alienated and impacted by terrible family drama, followed by the estrangement of a precious family member. Shortly after that I experienced an ankle injury that took 8 months to fully heal. I thought I was out of the woods once my ankle healed, but no. Sitting around waiting for my ankle to heal led to my back atrophying and further caused issues with a previously existing back injury, which then led to over six months of sciatica (also referred to as psychotica because of its ability to drive a reasonable person to utter insanity).

After some time I could commiserate with Job’s predicament.

Throughout the hard times I asked, begged, and sometimes in frustration demanded healing and relief. I cried buckets of tears. I wanted, needed, an escape from the agony and the heartache. I wanted a speedy recovery, a prompt delivery, anything, to get me past the immediate pain. Continue reading →

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, God and Jesus, Hope, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life Lessons

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June 10, 2014 · 3:28 pm

When Things Get Tough, Hang in There

imageDo you, like me, sometimes

wonder why God even created you?

‘…For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Your works,

And my soul knows it very well. Continue reading →

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Filed under A Broken Childhood, Awed by His Love and Grace, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life and Relationships, Loss of a Child

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March 12, 2014 · 12:53 am

One is the Loneliest Number

image“Hi, I’m at the store and want to buy this plaque really, really bad.  I want you to talk me out of it,” I phoned my husband.

“What?  Well, what does it say?”

“It is shaped like a dog biscuit and it says, ‘The more people I meet, the more I like my DOG.'”

He laughed. “That’s a good one.  Why do you want me to talk you out of it?”

“Because that’s exactly how I feel right now, but don’t think we need the plaque. So talk me out of it.  Juts say something like, Honey; we don’t need one more plaque.”

Continue reading →

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Filed under A Broken Childhood, Animals and Pets, Hope, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life and Relationships

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February 25, 2014 · 5:48 pm

When the Church Lets You Down

“Are you withholding sex from your marriage?  A man needs to have sex every 72 hours, and if you are not available that could be one of the reasons why your marriage is having such problems.”

I sat in the chair with my mouth dropped open to this pastor’s counseling words, and left the office more dismayed than when I entered it. I could not believe his preposterous statement. We had been attending the small church for over a year and it had taken me some time to get comfortable enough to go to the pastor for help. The pastor agreed to “counsel us” but after I left his office, I felt very little hope.

I had unwittingly signed up for an abusive marriage; the problems began almost immediately after the wedding. Though there was never any physical abuse, the verbal and emotional blows to me as a person were equally devastating, except unlike physical abuse; the wounding left deep scarring that seldom healed.

My expressions of feelings of despair and heartache were ignored and easily dismissed with.

“Hey, I’m perfectly happy. You’re the one with the problem.”  Another time he said.  “I don’t know what your problem is, I don’t beat you.”  He did emotionally!

Of course he was happy.  He was the one doing the lying, cheating, drinking, gambling, manipulating, controlling, criticizing, partying, ignoring, avoiding, abusing and oppressing. Continue reading →

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Filed under Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life and Relationships, Life Lessons, Marriage and Relationships, Single Parent Struggles

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January 22, 2014 · 12:26 am

God Is Working, Please Be Patient

imageI saw this image on Facebook today and was quite touched by it. I decided to share it not because I want people to Type Amen, but because I am hoping anyone who sees it will be encouraged by what it represents, like I was when I saw it.

So often we feel like God is slumbering on a tropical island somewhere sipping Mai Tais, and has just left us to struggle on our own.   But what we don’t see is that God is working in our lives, He’s constantly laboring behind the scenes to bring out the best in us.

Sometimes, if feels like we are prodded, squeezed, shoved, kicked, knocked around, and fired up till we are about to dissolve into nothingness.  At least I do.

But we really must keep in mind that because God is not finished with us yet, the work must go on and on. Continue reading →

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Filed under Everythingelse, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life with Chronic Pain

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December 4, 2013 · 1:27 pm

Surviving the Loss of a Child During the Holidays

Thanksgiving Day was not even over this year when Black Friday rushed in like a runaway train.  I hope as people abruptly switched mode from thankfulness to Christmas shopping and all the festivities of the season such as: office parties, school plays, the hustle and the bustle, planning holiday meals, stressing over prickly relatives; they don’t forget what it truly means to be grateful for what one has.  As the old saying goes,

“We don’t appreciate what we have until it is gone.”

Those of us who have lost a loved one, especially a child, know this too well.

I barely survived  my son Jonathan’s funeral.   It would be the last time I would see his earthly body.

For one, I had a splitting headache from the grief, the stress, and sleep deprivation.  It felt as if the same icepick that had been driven through my heart had also been driven through my skull when I numbly sat a few feet from the coffin that held my son’s body. Continue reading →

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November 26, 2013 · 3:16 pm

It Hurts Us More Than it Hurts Them

imageThere once was a man named Joe who was filled with a great deal of bitterness.

Whenever Joe thought of Dan, he became enraged.  Dan greatly cost Joe when he robbed him in a business partnership.

Whenever Joe thought of his neighbor Lucy, he resented the way she raked most of her fall leaves into his yard, year after year.  He had seen her do that himself, yet when he pointed it out she denied it.   Heat rose up his shirt collar when she worked in her yard.

He wanted to beat the daylights out of his neighbor Sam, across the street.  Sam borrowed a perfectly working snow blower and returned it broken, after he cleared his rocky driveway more than once.  Sam then told Joe the blower never worked. Continue reading →

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Filed under A Broken Childhood, Awed by His Love and Grace, Child Abuse and Neglect, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Hope, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life and Relationships, The Miraculous

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November 21, 2013 · 12:32 am

Wiping the Slate Clean

Lets not let an unwholesome thought keep us imprisoned in a place of pain.

Lets not let an unwholesome thought keep us imprisoned in a place of pain.

I sprained my ankle Memorial Day Weekend, and because I was foolish and did not nurse it properly, I found myself practically housebound most of this year.  UGHHHH!!!!!

Eager for connection with humanity, I asked my sweet friend about the woman’s Bible study at her church.  It was based on the book by Lysa Terkeurst, Made to Crave.  Lysa writes that some of us tend to satisfy deep desires and emotional emptiness or stress with food, instead of God.  We were created to crave God, but in our fallen state we curb that craving with anything else, including food.

This curbing only offers temporary satisfaction.  Because when the food craving is over, all we are left with is guilt and a tighter pair of jeans. Continue reading →

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Filed under A Broken Childhood, Awed by His Love and Grace, Child Abuse and Neglect, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Hope, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life and Relationships

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November 5, 2013 · 12:33 am

They Are Only Words!

We define who we are and create our own reality by the words we use and the choices we make… So speak and choose wisely… Truth Sayer

I recently innocently uttered careless words to someone I barely knew.

I was at the grocery store very preoccupied with a heavy issue that weighed on me. I took my groceries out of the cart and placed them on the conveyor belt then realized my cashier was a nice woman I had done banking business with before. We got to talking about her new job at the grocery store.

“It’s a lot to get used to after so many years of sitting at a desk. I’m worn out at the end of the evening. I’m very out of shape,” she said referring to her weight.

“Yeah, I bet you are,” I said, digging through my purse looking for my debit card–then was horrified at my own comment. What I meant to say was that I understood how tired she was at the end of the evening, but I know that is not what she heard. I know because of the look on her face. I felt terrible.

Of course, I tried to backpedal telling her I had a similar experience years ago when I went from a desk job to standing on my feet nearly eight hours a day; which was the truth. I knew the more I tried to correct my mistake the worse it would sound so I changed the subject. I should have said something like this instead.

Continue reading →

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Filed under Everydayliving, Humor, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life Lessons, Marriage and Relationships

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October 25, 2013 · 3:38 pm

An Unlikely Dream

Joseph wasn’t unlike some teenagers of today.  His father’s overt favoritism left him with that strong sense of entitlement—

“I really am all that.”  “It really is all about me.”

Jacob, Joseph’s father, AKA Israel, made Joseph an expensive and fancy coat to–well–die for.  Almost.

God had plans to use Joseph to save the nation of Israel, but first Joseph needed a humbling period.

Joseph needed to mature.  The enrollment into the University of Hard Knocks began. Continue reading →

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everythingelse, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Just for Fun, Seeds of Inspirations, The Impossible, The Miraculous

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