I’m a Camo Bible Totin’ Mom. I have my own beautiful, and downright girlish, teal covered Bible with the giant butterfly on the front, and I am still the makeup sporting, very light makeup at that, lady who wears feminine apparel to church while carrying a camouflage covered Bible.
I can tell you I have gotten a couple of odd looks and double takes when someone sees my camouflage Bible cover, but that’s completely okay with me because I treasure that Bible. I read from it daily and will hang on to it until my last breath. You see, I have the pleasure of doing my reading from a Bible that once belonged to my son, Jonathan. Ironically, I originally purchased it for someone else who didn’t seem to value it much and so I was going to keep it for myself, mainly because of it’s large print, but when Jonathan, barely a teenager in those days, asked me for it I couldn’t say no.
I now own that Bible once more, the one Jonathan had placed in a camouflage cover being the all-boy that he was, since he no longer needs it now that he’s in the presence of the Almighty for good. This year, September 24th, will mark four years since God took my 27 year old son home by way of a motorcycle accident. Continue reading
When I had very small children at home I chided myself constantly because I could not be the perfect mom, no matter how hard I tried. Not knowing then that I was losing a lot of myself and the precious things around me by expecting too much of myself, I forced myself to be all and do it all. I wanted to be the mom to my kids I never had.
I rocked my babies to sleep, showered them with kisses and hugs, read them stories, and got on the floor and played with them. I kept them clean and well dressed, and did all I could to keep them happy, well fed, and safe. Continue reading
Grief, who invited you?
You were an undesirable guest, yet you made yourself at home just the same. And you felt free to use my heart as your footstool.
The day awoke me with heaviness, crippling despondency hung in the air.
I scowled at your presence when you showed up unannounced, and robbed me of my hope.
I felt your dense breath behind me when I walked towards the coffin that held my son… so still.
They said your days were numbered, and that I would have to wait them out. But nobody knew just how many they’d be. Continue reading
In the silence of night, in the tranquility of the darkness, a tree fell in our front yard approximately sixty feet from our house; and we did not hear a sound.
Trunk broke at the bottom.
Tree approximately 60 feet from house.
Half top of tree laying on the ground green but bottom half branches dead. Will have to check out other trees also.
God Spares Us Once More
I don’t know what it is about trees falling and me, but this is the third tree that’s fallen in my yard. One was 22 years ago, then another one fell, mid November 2013.
It’s a frightening thing to think that something so huge and destructive can happen so close to the house. Thankfully, it only caused some damage to the pasture gate. Continue reading
Thanksgiving Day was not even over this year when Black Friday rushed in like a runaway train. I hope as people abruptly switched mode from thankfulness to Christmas shopping and all the festivities of the season such as: office parties, school plays, the hustle and the bustle, planning holiday meals, stressing over prickly relatives; they don’t forget what it truly means to be grateful for what one has. As the old saying goes,
“We don’t appreciate what we have until it is gone.”
Those of us who have lost a loved one, especially a child, know this too well.
I barely survived my son Jonathan’s funeral. It would be the last time I would see his earthly body.
For one, I had a splitting headache from the grief, the stress, and sleep deprivation. It felt as if the same icepick that had been driven through my heart had also been driven through my skull when I numbly sat a few feet from the coffin that held my son’s body. Continue reading
Thinking of you, son. You live in my memories.
I hang on to mementos and childhood memories of jokes, smiles and laughter.
I am grateful for silly boy tactics, bouquets of wilted weeds, and a boy’s imagination.
I am grateful for the precious boy’s face I looked into and the hands I held.
I am grateful for the many “I lub you, Mommy!” and “I’m hungry!” I heard throughout his childhood. Continue reading
The month of September will forever be imbedded in my soul as a much different month than the rest of the months.
It is a month of grief and rejoicing all tied into one tight giant knot.
- Grief because God prompted me to visit my 27 year old son, Jonathan, the Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of the fourth week of September nearly two years ago, to deliver a book I ordered as a gift for him.
It was a great novel about police work. I knew he would love it because he loved to read and because he was a police officer. It was a sort of peace offering, as we had been at odds with each other for quite a while and I wanted it to stop, but didn’t seem to convey it the best or it wasn’t received or something. Always something got in the way. Anyone who has had an extremely unfriendly divorce and terrible relationship with their ex knows what kind of havoc that can bring on the relationship between a parents and their children. Continue reading
Though I can honestly say I rarely run out of a topics to write about, I was not sure what to write about today. I looked at my list and this story stood out.
As I have mentioned before, my life has bounced from one tragedy to another since childhood, to the point at times all I had left to hang on to has been my faith in the living God. And that, by the skin of my teeth.
What I am about to share is an odd story, perhaps some will even doubt my sanity, but as God is my witness, it is as real as I am sitting before my keyboard today.
After all, isn’t our God the God of the impossible, the unexplainable?
Since the beginning of mankind, people have had a tendency to blame others. In Genesis 3:11-13, God confronts Adam and Eve after they eat of the forbidden fruit.
God said, “Have you eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded you that you should not eat?”
Adam said, “The woman You gave me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.”
The LORD God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?”
Eve said, “The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat…”
Adam blames Eve, indirectly blaming God, “the woman You gave me.” Eve blames the serpent. There you have it. When it comes to humanity, as Solomon said in Ecclesiastics 1:9: “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.”