Yesterday I wrote God’s Delay on Answering Prayers is no Delay , and discussed that when we pray mightily over something we want, and God seems to be procrastinating on the answers to those prayers, it doesn’t mean that His delay is a mistake. The more I thought about that, the more a new concept came to life for me. Do we stunt answers to our prayers thinking we know better? Yes God, I want you to answer this prayer but you really have to go about it THIS WAY! Do we expect answers with only partial faith?
The concept of our expectations from God and how often they intermingle with our incomplete trust in Him floored me as I examined Lazarus’ death closer.
In the death of Lazarus, his sisters’ (Mary and Martha) discuss their frustration with Jesus that He had shown up too late to heal their dying brother.
“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” John 11:21
Martha didn’t quite get what Jesus meant when He said to her: “Your brother will rise again” 11:23. She thought Jesus was referring to the end of time resurrection. Yet her words show she expected Jesus to do something about her brother’s death when she said,
“But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” 11:22 Continue reading
Off and on I have shared with you a few of the hardships I have experienced the last 3 years.
The death of my son. Then immediately after his death I needed more emotional support than ever, but instead was further alienated and impacted by terrible family drama, followed by the estrangement of a precious family member. Shortly after that I experienced an ankle injury that took 8 months to fully heal. I thought I was out of the woods once my ankle healed, but no. Sitting around waiting for my ankle to heal led to my back atrophying and further caused issues with a previously existing back injury, which then led to over six months of sciatica (also referred to as psychotica because of its ability to drive a reasonable person to utter insanity).
After some time I could commiserate with Job’s predicament.
Throughout the hard times I asked, begged, and sometimes in frustration demanded healing and relief. I cried buckets of tears. I wanted, needed, an escape from the agony and the heartache. I wanted a speedy recovery, a prompt delivery, anything, to get me past the immediate pain. Continue reading
When I had very small children at home I chided myself constantly because I could not be the perfect mom, no matter how hard I tried. Not knowing then that I was losing a lot of myself and the precious things around me by expecting too much of myself, I forced myself to be all and do it all. I wanted to be the mom to my kids I never had.
I rocked my babies to sleep, showered them with kisses and hugs, read them stories, and got on the floor and played with them. I kept them clean and well dressed, and did all I could to keep them happy, well fed, and safe. Continue reading
God used His tongue for good in the beginning when He spoke the world of perfect beauty and unimaginable peace into being, and all of its inhabitants into existence, and said, “It is good.” Genesis 1 and 2
Yet, because of Lucifer’s jealousy, he said. “I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit on the mount of assembly on the heights of Zaphon; I will ascend to the tops of the clouds, I will make myself like the Most High” Isaiah 14:12-14 Continue reading
Do you, like me, sometimes
wonder why God even created you?
‘…For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well. Continue reading
Grief, who invited you?
You were an undesirable guest, yet you made yourself at home just the same. And you felt free to use my heart as your footstool.
The day awoke me with heaviness, crippling despondency hung in the air.
I scowled at your presence when you showed up unannounced, and robbed me of my hope.
I felt your dense breath behind me when I walked towards the coffin that held my son… so still.
They said your days were numbered, and that I would have to wait them out. But nobody knew just how many they’d be. Continue reading
Recently, I was with a good-sized group of ladies. As people talked about their heart-wounds it made me realize that extreme pain and anguish are everywhere. One can drive down any street past rows of houses, and believe it- it’s a sure thing that just about every house is inhabited by at least one or two deeply wounded souls. Continue reading