Tag Archives: Self-Reflection

Stunted Faith

Yesterday I wrote God’s Delay on Answering Prayers is no Delay , and discussed that when we pray mightily over something we want, and God seems to be procrastinating on the answers to those prayers, it doesn’t mean that His delay is a mistake.  The more I thought about that, the more a new concept came to life for me. Do we stunt answers to our prayers thinking we know better?  Yes God, I want you to answer this prayer but you really have to go about it THIS WAY!  Do we expect answers with only partial faith?

The concept of our expectations from God and how often they intermingle with our incomplete trust in Him floored me as I examined Lazarus’ death closer.

In the death of Lazarus, his sisters’ (Mary and Martha) discuss their frustration with Jesus that He had shown up too late to heal their dying brother.

 “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” John 11:21

Martha didn’t quite get what Jesus meant when He said to her:  “Your brother will rise again” 11:23. She thought Jesus was referring to the end of time resurrection.  Yet her words show she expected Jesus to do something about her brother’s death when she said,

“But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” 11:22 Continue reading

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De-Cluttering Your Life

imageAs 2015 began I felt especially passionate for a fresh beginning. Not so much a New Year’s resolution but a life resolution. For two years I’ve felt God pressing me to live simply. I wasn’t sure what living simply meant from God’s perspective but with time He’s given me little hints here and there. For instance, I realized I had too much stuff! You know things that get shoved in closets, cupboards, attics, and basements that probably won’t be used anytime soon if ever.

I’ve been slowly getting rid of things, which is not easy for me. Because I have experienced so much loss throughout my life, I unintentionally began counting on material things to make up for that loss. I developed relationships with things that held a good feeling in my memories. Continue reading

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The University of Higher Learning

Off and on I have shared with you a few of the hardships I have experienced the last 3 years.

The death of my son. Then immediately after his death I needed more emotional support than ever, but instead was further alienated and impacted by terrible family drama, followed by the estrangement of a precious family member. Shortly after that I experienced an ankle injury that took 8 months to fully heal. I thought I was out of the woods once my ankle healed, but no. Sitting around waiting for my ankle to heal led to my back atrophying and further caused issues with a previously existing back injury, which then led to over six months of sciatica (also referred to as psychotica because of its ability to drive a reasonable person to utter insanity).

After some time I could commiserate with Job’s predicament.

Throughout the hard times I asked, begged, and sometimes in frustration demanded healing and relief. I cried buckets of tears. I wanted, needed, an escape from the agony and the heartache. I wanted a speedy recovery, a prompt delivery, anything, to get me past the immediate pain. Continue reading

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, God and Jesus, Hope, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life Lessons

Grandmotherly Wisdom

Photo: Grandmother says... Carrots, Eggs, or Coffee; "Which are you?"</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft.She then asked her to take an egg and break it.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked. "What's the point,grandmother?"</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>Think of this: Which am I?</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>---AUTHOR UNKNOWN —

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, “Tell me what do you see?””Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it.After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked. “What’s the point, grandmother?”

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity–boiling water–but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter.

“When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

—AUTHOR UNKNOWN —

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Live Life One Now at a Time

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When I had very small children at home I chided myself constantly because I could not be the perfect mom, no matter how hard I tried. Not knowing then that I was losing a lot of myself and the precious things around me by expecting too much of myself, I forced myself to be all and do it all. I wanted to be the mom to my kids I never had.

I rocked my babies to sleep, showered them with kisses and hugs, read them stories, and got on the floor and played with them. I kept them clean and well dressed, and did all I could to keep them happy, well fed, and safe.  Continue reading

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The Power of the Tongue

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God used His tongue for good in the beginning when He spoke the world of perfect beauty and unimaginable peace into being, and all of its inhabitants into existence, and said, “It is good.” Genesis 1 and 2

Yet, because of Lucifer’s jealousy, he said.  “I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit on the mount of assembly on the heights of Zaphon; I will ascend to the tops of the clouds, I will make myself like the Most High”  Isaiah 14:12-14 Continue reading

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When Things Get Tough, Hang in There

imageDo you, like me, sometimes

wonder why God even created you?

‘…For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Your works,

And my soul knows it very well. Continue reading

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Filed under A Broken Childhood, Awed by His Love and Grace, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life and Relationships, Loss of a Child

Good Grief, A Poem for the Bereaved

imageGrief, who invited you?

You were an undesirable guest, yet you made yourself at home just the same. And you felt free to use my heart as your footstool.

The day awoke me with heaviness, crippling despondency hung in the air.

I scowled at your presence when you showed up unannounced, and robbed me of my hope.

I felt your dense breath behind me when I walked towards the coffin that held my son… so still.

They said your days were numbered, and that I would have to wait them out. But nobody knew just how many they’d be. Continue reading

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everythingelse, Loss, Loss of a Child, Poetry

Live Life Carefully

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May 16, 2014 · 7:41 pm

Kindness Matters

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Recently, I was with a good-sized group of ladies. As people talked about their heart-wounds it made me realize that extreme pain and anguish are everywhere. One can drive down any street past rows of houses, and believe it- it’s a sure thing that just about every house is inhabited by at least one or two deeply wounded souls. Continue reading

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Filed under Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life and Relationships, Marriage and Relationships