“Are you withholding sex from your marriage? A man needs to have sex every 72 hours, and if you are not available that could be one of the reasons why your marriage is having such problems.”
I sat in the chair with my mouth dropped open to this pastor’s counseling words, and left the office more dismayed than when I entered it. I could not believe his preposterous statement. We had been attending the small church for over a year and it had taken me some time to get comfortable enough to go to the pastor for help. The pastor agreed to “counsel us” but after I left his office, I felt very little hope.
I had unwittingly signed up for an abusive marriage; the problems began almost immediately after the wedding. Though there was never any physical abuse, the verbal and emotional blows to me as a person were equally devastating, except unlike physical abuse; the wounding left deep scarring that seldom healed.
My expressions of feelings of despair and heartache were ignored and easily dismissed with.
“Hey, I’m perfectly happy. You’re the one with the problem.” Another time he said. “I don’t know what your problem is, I don’t beat you.” He did emotionally!
Of course he was happy. He was the one doing the lying, cheating, drinking, gambling, manipulating, controlling, criticizing, partying, ignoring, avoiding, abusing and oppressing. Continue reading