Tag Archives: Faith

Providence For A Hardened Heart

It was in the mid to late 1990s that I had the worst financial struggles as a single mom raising three teenagers alone.  I had no family support, and an ex who refused to pay child support.  I worked multiple jobs, yet still could not fully provide for my family.  One winter, the temperature dropped to the single digits.  My teenage son, who normally, proudly walked around in shorts and a T-shirt in the winter, begged me for a winter jacket to replace the one he had long outgrown.

I was far behind on paying my utility bills. The credit cards I relied on to buy groceries, gas, or sometimes pay utilities were full.  One evening, overwhelmed with the desperate situation, I tearfully sought out God’s help in spite of the anger I felt towards Him over our drastic situation. After several years of extreme poverty, I saw no relief in sight.  I was physically exhausted, mentally spent, and spiritually tired of God’s silence. Continue reading

10 Comments

Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life Lessons, Seeds of Inspirations, Single Parent Struggles

Shhhh, Listen, Can You Hear Him Now?

We have a fancy-schmancy coffee maker that comes with all the typical pre-programing bells and whistles. This one also alerts you when the coffee is finished brewing, and one hour after to remind you it will be turning itself off.  Originally, it must have been pretty pricy.  I bought it for $10, lightly used from a friend.

We are super spoiled nowadays with all the alerts and signals our gadgets, appliances and cars are programed with.  Our phones signal us of voice and text message alerts.  Mine sounds like the ding-dong of a doorbell, my husband’s whistles.

Even our body comes with basic pre-programed signals that remind us to eat, to sleep, to take better care of ourselves, etc.  We even have a pain alert most of us don’t appreciate.  I sprained my ankle Memorial Day weekend, and I still get you-over-did-it alerts when I get physically overzealous. Headaches alert us of stress or misalignment or that something else is going on.  If we accidently lean up against a very hot surface, we get an immediate pain, signaling us to move quickly or we will get burned. Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life Lessons, Seeds of Inspirations

Once A Liar, Not Always A Liar

I suffer from a genetic disorder.  Pride. And today I had to part with a huge chunk of it.  I thought I long dealt with this, but not so according to the Lord.

We all have our hang-ups. One of mine is a cushion I use because of a back injury. My back often feels like I’m 80 even though I am only in my fifties. The “granny” cushion embarrasses the daylights out of me.  I’ve even joked, “The Lord must think I needed a great deal of humbling.”

Whether I plan a vacation, go to a new church, visit a friend, go to a seminar, watch a kid graduate, dine at a restaurant, or even try to relax somewhere, my biggest concern is always the seat I will have to sit on. Folding chairs? Pure torture.  Unsupportive seats or soft couches won’t work either. Chairs with odd angles, lacking firmness, or without a full back cause a backache that will last for days. Continue reading

21 Comments

Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Life Lessons, Life with Chronic Pain

Will You Only Be Remembered By Your BIG BUT?

imageThis gorgeous hunk of flower blossomed in my front yard, but I almost missed it.  It was too heavy to support itself, and ended up faced down, nearly on the ground.  The peony’s rich color seemed almost artificial, especially because of its size, nearly seven inches in diameter.  Its wonderful fragrance was unbelievable.

I usually try not to bring garden flowers in the house.  They just don’t last long.  Earlier this spring, I made myself a beautiful bouquet of fragrant, purple lilacs.  Within minutes, my counter top was crawling with tiny black bugs.  Yikes!  I wasted no time getting that bouquet out on the porch.  I carefully examined the peony before I even thought of cutting it.  Not a bug!  The flower pedals felt soft, cool, and somewhat squishy; in a good sort of way. Continue reading

8 Comments

Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Everythingelse, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Life Lessons, Life with Chronic Pain, Seeds of Inspirations

Why Are You Doing This To Us?

My kids still talk about the time I was the meanest mom ever. And around Christmas even.  My daughters were just reaching their tween years and my son was about eight.

I had already proven myself to be a cruel mother by policing television programs, and limiting their TV and video time to two hours a day. I made them have reflective quiet times spent reading or writing in their journals.  In the summer, I extended the TV-movie time to four hours, after much begging.  We had a large supply of what I called clean movies. Any movie encouraging good morals, respect for parents, caring for others, and loving God, qualified.

But this time, I really outdid myself. I was “forcing” them to almost entirely go off TV and videos, cold turkey, for a month.

“It will be our Christmas present to Jesus. God gave us a part of Himself, in the best present ever: the baby Messiah in the manger.  We give Christmas gifts to each other each year. This year, let’s give God a part of ourselves.  The time we would spend watching TV or movies that exclude Him, let’s instead give to Him as a thank-you and birthday gift.” I said. Continue reading

7 Comments

Filed under Everydayliving, Everythingelse, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Gottalaugh, In a Kids World, Life Lessons

Mistaken Identity

image

After years of wandering through sullen shadows,

And stretched, somber avenues of abandonment,

Of wearing masks, and living empty echoes of life,

She knew little more than to follow the crowd.

She explored unhealthy places that whispered contentment.

She believed in the hollow promises she sought within.

Singed and torn by unfriendly competition,

She longed to believe that there was something

Of value, one thing, anything, worthy inside of her.

She found no identity to call her very own.

By nineteen, she was overcome by this world.

********** Continue reading

3 Comments

Filed under A Broken Childhood, Awed by His Love and Grace, Child Abuse and Neglect, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life Lessons, Poetry, Seeds of Inspirations

A Tribute To The Only Father I Have Ever Known

Father’s day has always been a very painful day for me. I felt the emptiness of never having met my father while growing up. I felt an even greater loss, because he didn’t care about me at all. He walked out on my mother when she wouldn’t abort me. This year, I chose to do something different. I chose to honor the father who has always been faithfully with me, with this poem.

My bio-father wanted me aborted,

A heartbreaking fact I have had to bear.

His wishes, however, were thwarted,

By another father who surely did care.

A father with much richer, future plans,

For this embryo, so fragile and forlorn.

He guarded me with his very own hands,

Instead of allowing my flesh to be torn.

Continue reading

15 Comments

Filed under A Broken Childhood, Awed by His Love and Grace, Child Abuse and Neglect, Everydayliving, Everythingelse, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Poetry

The Good, The Bad, And The Forever

Last Friday evening, my bank account went overdrawn by a couple of dollars. Since I hadn’t used my debit card in a few days, and had no outstanding checks; this was a definite red flag alert. I found an unsolicited $93 charge from Oxyfresh Cleansers. I called the phone number associated with the charge on my bank statement, but my call immediately went to this recording. “You have reached customer service. Someone will be with you in 34 minutes.”

You’ve. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Not only had I not ordered anything from Oxyfresh, but I was supposed to wait 34 minutes before, maybe, I would be able to speak to someone, who may or may not, be able or willing to help me. I wasn’t going to go there! I had been scammed.

Continue reading

6 Comments

Filed under Everydayliving, Everythingelse, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Life Lessons

Is The Grass Really Greener On That Side?

Annie

Annie

I think half of every kid in America has had a grey bunny they named Thumper. My daughter Rachel wasn’t any different. Her Thumper was the sweetest bunny. With a little nudging, Rachel was good about keeping his food and water supply filled. She often gave him vegetable treats. Under her watchful eye, Thumper even got to run loose in a small section of our backyard sometimes. She cuddled him and dressed him in baby doll clothes. But Thumper wasn’t satisfied with what he had. He constantly scratched at the corners of his hutch, in a desperate effort to get out. I couldn’t blame him; he was confined to a small space.

Continue reading

6 Comments

Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Life Lessons, Seeds of Inspirations, Writing and Author Stuff

Dogs Have The Right Idea

I saw a bumper sticker a couple of years ago that left me laughing out loud, in the car, by myself. It imagesaid, “Wag more, bark less.” My dogs are happy dogs. Their joy is quite visible, they wag their tails more times a day than I can count. We all enjoy a dog’s expression of joy–that whirl of wags and wiggles. But, we become easily annoyed when the barking begins. It’s obvious that barking is also stressful for the barking dog. Though funny at first, the true meaning of that quote sunk in, and hit too close to home.

When I was a single mother, I did too much barking and not enough wagging at home. I struggled so much with the my financial situation. I was often anxious, frustrated, and mentally and physically exhausted. My ex-husband didn’t pay child support. Living in a community property state, meant I was also responsible for the unpaid debts he left when he disappeared. I had no family to turn to, and three teenage kids to support. The paychecks I received from multiple part time jobs, only covered three-fourths of the bills. Paying bills became a recurring, juggling act. I grew weary of the threatening, red-letter notices in the mail.

Continue reading

4 Comments

Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Just for Fun, Life Lessons, Seeds of Inspirations, Single Parent Struggles, Writing and Author Stuff