Category Archives: Awed by His Love and Grace

Once A Liar, Not Always A Liar

I suffer from a genetic disorder.  Pride. And today I had to part with a huge chunk of it.  I thought I long dealt with this, but not so according to the Lord.

We all have our hang-ups. One of mine is a cushion I use because of a back injury. My back often feels like I’m 80 even though I am only in my fifties. The “granny” cushion embarrasses the daylights out of me.  I’ve even joked, “The Lord must think I needed a great deal of humbling.”

Whether I plan a vacation, go to a new church, visit a friend, go to a seminar, watch a kid graduate, dine at a restaurant, or even try to relax somewhere, my biggest concern is always the seat I will have to sit on. Folding chairs? Pure torture.  Unsupportive seats or soft couches won’t work either. Chairs with odd angles, lacking firmness, or without a full back cause a backache that will last for days. Continue reading

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Life Lessons, Life with Chronic Pain

Will You Only Be Remembered By Your BIG BUT?

imageThis gorgeous hunk of flower blossomed in my front yard, but I almost missed it.  It was too heavy to support itself, and ended up faced down, nearly on the ground.  The peony’s rich color seemed almost artificial, especially because of its size, nearly seven inches in diameter.  Its wonderful fragrance was unbelievable.

I usually try not to bring garden flowers in the house.  They just don’t last long.  Earlier this spring, I made myself a beautiful bouquet of fragrant, purple lilacs.  Within minutes, my counter top was crawling with tiny black bugs.  Yikes!  I wasted no time getting that bouquet out on the porch.  I carefully examined the peony before I even thought of cutting it.  Not a bug!  The flower pedals felt soft, cool, and somewhat squishy; in a good sort of way. Continue reading

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Everythingelse, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Life Lessons, Life with Chronic Pain, Seeds of Inspirations

Mistaken Identity

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After years of wandering through sullen shadows,

And stretched, somber avenues of abandonment,

Of wearing masks, and living empty echoes of life,

She knew little more than to follow the crowd.

She explored unhealthy places that whispered contentment.

She believed in the hollow promises she sought within.

Singed and torn by unfriendly competition,

She longed to believe that there was something

Of value, one thing, anything, worthy inside of her.

She found no identity to call her very own.

By nineteen, she was overcome by this world.

********** Continue reading

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Filed under A Broken Childhood, Awed by His Love and Grace, Child Abuse and Neglect, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life Lessons, Poetry, Seeds of Inspirations

My Graham Cracker Assistant

With 3 children born in 3 1/2 years, my life was busy in the 1980s.  I had no nearby family to help with childcare, so I learned to improvise.

Rachel, 5 years old, was a good natured child. Once in a while, I let her be a biggirl.  She could stay up and watch a video or we could have together-time, but only if she was quiet while the others napped.  Rachel loved to be up with Mommy.

One day, I dared myself to paint the bathroom while the kids napped.  I found a can of pretty miss-mixed paint for only a couple of dollars.  Desperate for a change, I couldn’t pass up it up.

It took me longer than I thought to paint the small bathroom walls. Of course, as Murphy’s Law would have it, Jonathan, then 1 ½, woke up much earlier than usual. I heard him fussing in his crib and decided this would be a great time to let Rachel, who’d been watching a movie, be an even bigger girl. I needed our only bathroom to be usable before Hannah woke up. Continue reading

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Everythingelse, Gottalaugh, In a Kids World, Just for Fun, Life with Chronic Pain

A Tribute To The Only Father I Have Ever Known

Father’s day has always been a very painful day for me. I felt the emptiness of never having met my father while growing up. I felt an even greater loss, because he didn’t care about me at all. He walked out on my mother when she wouldn’t abort me. This year, I chose to do something different. I chose to honor the father who has always been faithfully with me, with this poem.

My bio-father wanted me aborted,

A heartbreaking fact I have had to bear.

His wishes, however, were thwarted,

By another father who surely did care.

A father with much richer, future plans,

For this embryo, so fragile and forlorn.

He guarded me with his very own hands,

Instead of allowing my flesh to be torn.

Continue reading

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Filed under A Broken Childhood, Awed by His Love and Grace, Child Abuse and Neglect, Everydayliving, Everythingelse, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Poetry

Is The Grass Really Greener On That Side?

Annie

Annie

I think half of every kid in America has had a grey bunny they named Thumper. My daughter Rachel wasn’t any different. Her Thumper was the sweetest bunny. With a little nudging, Rachel was good about keeping his food and water supply filled. She often gave him vegetable treats. Under her watchful eye, Thumper even got to run loose in a small section of our backyard sometimes. She cuddled him and dressed him in baby doll clothes. But Thumper wasn’t satisfied with what he had. He constantly scratched at the corners of his hutch, in a desperate effort to get out. I couldn’t blame him; he was confined to a small space.

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Life Lessons, Seeds of Inspirations, Writing and Author Stuff

Dogs Have The Right Idea

I saw a bumper sticker a couple of years ago that left me laughing out loud, in the car, by myself. It imagesaid, “Wag more, bark less.” My dogs are happy dogs. Their joy is quite visible, they wag their tails more times a day than I can count. We all enjoy a dog’s expression of joy–that whirl of wags and wiggles. But, we become easily annoyed when the barking begins. It’s obvious that barking is also stressful for the barking dog. Though funny at first, the true meaning of that quote sunk in, and hit too close to home.

When I was a single mother, I did too much barking and not enough wagging at home. I struggled so much with the my financial situation. I was often anxious, frustrated, and mentally and physically exhausted. My ex-husband didn’t pay child support. Living in a community property state, meant I was also responsible for the unpaid debts he left when he disappeared. I had no family to turn to, and three teenage kids to support. The paychecks I received from multiple part time jobs, only covered three-fourths of the bills. Paying bills became a recurring, juggling act. I grew weary of the threatening, red-letter notices in the mail.

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Just for Fun, Life Lessons, Seeds of Inspirations, Single Parent Struggles, Writing and Author Stuff

Blessed Dreams

imageSometimes it hits me. The grief, the still foreign concept. I lost a child. He was 27 years old when he died in September of 2011, but he was still my child. They say the loss of a child by far is the heaviest of losses a soul can bear. I agree.

I found another thing they say to be true. They, being the experts on grief and loss. The second year of loss is the worst. I agree. The reality pools around one’s feet. The permanency of this kind of loss becomes a stagnant puddle one must wade through.

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life Lessons, Loss of a Child, Seeds of Inspirations

Keep Knocking, Keep Seeking, Keep Asking

breadImagine you and your family are sound asleep after a long day. You wake up to loud rapping on your door. You shoot a blurry-eyed glance at the clock on your nightstand. A red 12:00 midnight glares back. The continued rapping makes you realize you weren’t dreaming. You throw on a robe, and rush to your bedroom window, fearing the worst.

Your friend is standing on your porch with a very concerned look on his face. You open the window and loudly whisper. “What’s going on? It’s midnight!”

“Hey friend, I have unexpected company and need to borrow some bread,” he says.

“Bread? That’s what this is all about? Sheesh, I thought somebody died! Come back tomorrow?”

“I need to feed my guests. Can you lend me some bread?” He insists.

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life Lessons, Seeds of Inspirations

The Holy Spirit Is To Our Souls What Invisalign Is To Our Teeth

I used to have naturally, perfectly aligned teeth.  More than one dentist I visited assumed I once wore braces.  I never did. Within the past seven years or so however, one particularly stubborn tooth has decided to break rank and go out on its own.  It is the tooth next to my right, top front tooth.

One of my lower, back molars had to be pulled after it cracked in a car accident when I was 18 years old. The dentist suggested I never have the wisdom tooth directly behind it pulled in order for it to partner with the molar directly above it.

“The wisdom tooth will slowly move into the spot of the absent molar. If you don’t keep that wisdom tooth, you will eventually lose the molar above it as the two molars biting down against each other help keep each other in place.”  He said. Continue reading

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Life Lessons, Seeds of Inspirations