Tag Archives: Feeling Alone

Living in a Warzone

I have never been one to watch too many fantasy movies but was encouraged to by the way “Waking the Dead,” a book by John Eldridge, uses these as analogies to help readers understand the struggle we all live under.

John Eldridge, does not encourage readers to watch fantasy movies. He encourages us to wake up to the understanding that spiritual war is all around us and gravely affects our everyday life.  The last thing the enemy wants from a Christ follower is success or to have anything good we attribute to God.  He wants to keep us in a struggle so that we are not living up to our God-given potential, but instead we are as frustrated, disappointed, depressed and discouraged as possible.

I rented the Hobbit.   Have you ever seen it?

As I watched it, I envisioned the dwarfs as the Israelites and Thorin as King David back in Old Testament times and King Jesus now and in the future.  There are numerous attacks by forces of evil.

The way the forces of evil are depicted in the movie, I can clearly imagine this is what the invisible spiritual warfare is like all around us, but the majority of us remain as unaware to it as Bilbo, though we are indeed deeply affected. Continue reading

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Everythingelse, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Hope, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life with Chronic Pain, Seeds of Inspirations

Growing Pains

You know that feeling of resistance we naturally get when we are required to step outside our zone of comfort, to push further, strive harder and move past stagnation?

Much like when the momma bird pushes her young to the edge of the nest.  What is that youngling thinking?

“Momma’s off her rocker!”

“She’s trying to kill me!”

“How could she do this to me?”

That little one, paralyzed by fear, becomes frozen as momma gives the final shove.

Down, down it goes until finally it gets this crazy notion to flap its wings… flap, flap, flap… Continue reading

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everythingelse, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Life Lessons, Life with Chronic Pain, Loss of a Child, Single Parent Struggles, Writing and Author Stuff

Things To Remember About Chronic Pain Sufferers

Chronic pain is the pits! I say this because for over thirty years I have lived with it.

I have back pain from an on the job injury, and neck pain from too many rear-ender whiplashes. The neck injury causes my neck to sometimes feel like I have a vice-grip on it for hours on end or like I have an icepick stuck into my skull near the atlas. I get frequent headaches and at times debilitating migraines that not only rob my days, but take me at least one day to recover from afterwards.

Eight years ago, due to unfortunate circumstances, the back pain became much worse. Since then, my life has been measured, as chronic pain dictates my days.

For example: I can only stand for a very short period of time. Just the act of prolonged standing causes my back to throb. Though walking actually soothes my back.

Continue reading

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Filed under Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life with Chronic Pain

The Leftovers

Do you remember those brutal days in school when the team captains took turns picking players for their teams?

If you were a team captain, or one of the first four kids to be picked, then never mind.  On second thought, you may want to read on to understand the rejection the rest of us felt.

But if you were one of the kids picked last, you know, the ones the team captains really don’t want to be stuck with; then my condolences.

Read on. Continue reading

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Filed under A Broken Childhood, Awed by His Love and Grace, In a Kids World, Inner Sruggles and Heartache

An Important Message

It was February of 2013, when I stepped out as a novice blogger.  I was nervous to put my “stuff” out there as much of it is delicate and painful.  I feared somehow it would come back to bite me in the rear.  I took a risk and became a blogger and to date have never been sorry.  I have “met,” laughed with, shed tears with, resonated with, and admired wonderful friends I continue to cherish.  Many of them share from vulnerable places of their hearts making them even more dear to me.

This was my original post back in February.  I don’t think it got much notice with it being my first.  I am sharing it again today as I believe it has an important message at the end. There are countless, desperately hurting people, deeply needing and desiring help who fall under our radars. Continue reading

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life Lessons, Seeds of Inspirations

Why, Oh Why All The Suffering?

I banged on the locked door screaming in horror, begging my mom to let me back in.  My grandmother pleaded with her to open it. The neighborhood kids laughed and shrieked,

”Look! She’s naked!”

I tried to hide behind my grandmother.  My mom opened the door, but blocked the entrance.

“Oh, no, you stand out where everyone could see you.”  I rarely disobeyed her, this time I didn’t move.

“Don’t you dare hide.  Stand out here or I will give you an even bigger beating!”

“She is just a child.  Don’t do this.  Let her back in the house,” my grandmother interceded.

“No!  She needs to feel the shame I felt today when that black b***h humiliated me!  How does it feel to be ashamed?  Maybe you won’t embarrass me anymore!” Continue reading

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Filed under A Broken Childhood, Child Abuse and Neglect, In a Kids World, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Life Lessons, Life with Chronic Pain

Will You Only Be Remembered By Your BIG BUT?

imageThis gorgeous hunk of flower blossomed in my front yard, but I almost missed it.  It was too heavy to support itself, and ended up faced down, nearly on the ground.  The peony’s rich color seemed almost artificial, especially because of its size, nearly seven inches in diameter.  Its wonderful fragrance was unbelievable.

I usually try not to bring garden flowers in the house.  They just don’t last long.  Earlier this spring, I made myself a beautiful bouquet of fragrant, purple lilacs.  Within minutes, my counter top was crawling with tiny black bugs.  Yikes!  I wasted no time getting that bouquet out on the porch.  I carefully examined the peony before I even thought of cutting it.  Not a bug!  The flower pedals felt soft, cool, and somewhat squishy; in a good sort of way. Continue reading

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Everythingelse, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Life Lessons, Life with Chronic Pain, Seeds of Inspirations

Dogs Have The Right Idea

I saw a bumper sticker a couple of years ago that left me laughing out loud, in the car, by myself. It imagesaid, “Wag more, bark less.” My dogs are happy dogs. Their joy is quite visible, they wag their tails more times a day than I can count. We all enjoy a dog’s expression of joy–that whirl of wags and wiggles. But, we become easily annoyed when the barking begins. It’s obvious that barking is also stressful for the barking dog. Though funny at first, the true meaning of that quote sunk in, and hit too close to home.

When I was a single mother, I did too much barking and not enough wagging at home. I struggled so much with the my financial situation. I was often anxious, frustrated, and mentally and physically exhausted. My ex-husband didn’t pay child support. Living in a community property state, meant I was also responsible for the unpaid debts he left when he disappeared. I had no family to turn to, and three teenage kids to support. The paychecks I received from multiple part time jobs, only covered three-fourths of the bills. Paying bills became a recurring, juggling act. I grew weary of the threatening, red-letter notices in the mail.

Continue reading

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Filed under Awed by His Love and Grace, Everydayliving, Following Christ Has Changed My Life, Inner Sruggles and Heartache, Just for Fun, Life Lessons, Seeds of Inspirations, Single Parent Struggles, Writing and Author Stuff

Disoriented Turkey

Lost Turkey

Lost Turkey

Last night my husband and I had just sat down to eat, when our dogs ran to the front door and furoiciously barked at the intruder they saw through the glass door, standing on our front porch.  It was a turkey.  A white turkey at that.  I didn’t even know they came in white.  The ones I have seen are of mottled colors of browns, greys and black.  By the time I got my camera, the turkey had moved to the front yard.  We live in the country so we often see moose, deer, and flocks of turkeys. Continue reading

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Filed under Everydayliving, Seeds of Inspirations

Ransomed Soul, Redeemed Heart

Magnet Keepsake

Magnet Keepsake

It’s not something I talk about often, but when I do tell people I was born in Havana, Cuba; the first thing they ask is,  “Was your dad in the military?”  When I tell them that he wasn’t, their next comment almost always is, “Why were you born there? You don’t look Cuban!”  With that in mind, I suppose my cousins “look even less Cuban” than I do.  As babies, each of my cousins qualified for any Gerber Baby look-alike contest, with their blond curls and big blue eyes.

My paternal grandparents were directly from Spain. My maternal ancestry is also from Spain with a few drops of French in there somewhere. What most people don’t know is that in 1492, Columbus claimed the island for the Kingdom of Spain. Cuba remained under Spain’s ruling until 1898. Most of the original Native Americans living in Cuba died because they were subjected to harsh slavery, or died from Eurasian diseases. A thousand or so survived, many escaped into the mountains. Thousands were then cruelly ripped from their homes and families in Africa to replace the lost native slaves.  Cuba’s ethnicity is somewhat different from the typical Latin America people imagine. Continue reading

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Filed under Everythingelse, Life with Chronic Pain, Seeds of Inspirations